I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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