I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
