I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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