I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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