Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Holy shit dude........stairs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
