do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
