You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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