i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
