Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
