Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
