just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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