mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
