my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
