i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She even gives head with a lisp.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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