Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
