The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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