We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
