remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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