STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
