She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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