about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
