so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
