I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
