I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
