You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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