Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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