Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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