Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
