I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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