I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
