i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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