You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
