Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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