the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
