I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
