Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
