I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
