I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
