Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
