I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
