I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I look excited, but its just a facade.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
