why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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