Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
