I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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