so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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