hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
