I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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