I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize