butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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