Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
