It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
