I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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