so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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