listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
