I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
