and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
