we have pet lesbian snakes
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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