Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
