i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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