porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
