I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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