im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
