go do what you do best...puke behind churches
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
