im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
