yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
